


I want to protect you

by murdermewithbooks



Category: Narcos (TV), Narcos: Mexico (TV), The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Holding Hands, Late Night Conversations, Mutual Pining, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:53:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25645351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/murdermewithbooks/pseuds/murdermewithbooks
Summary: But it could never be more than that, with the dangers of Javi’s job and all. He’s never told you about any of the horrors he’s seen - afraid he might scare you away once you hear all the things he’s done, the people he’s hurt - but you know they’re there by the haunted look in his eyes after a particularly hard day. When he’s with you, though, he doesn’t want to think about any of it - all he wants is to forget every gory detail that’s burned into the forefront of his mind.
Relationships: Javier Peña & Reader, Javier Peña/Reader, Javier Peña/You
Comments: 4
Kudos: 32





	I want to protect you

**Author's Note:**

> from a prompt request ("I want to protect you") by someone on tumblr. the fic was inspired by the piano version of the song "Particles" by Nothing But Thieves (i highly recommend giving it a listen). thanks for reading! 💜

The incessant knocking on your apartment door pulls you from a restless sleep. _Who the hell-?_ You roll over with a groan, looking towards your alarm clock, which blinks _3:14am_ with bright red light. 

With a frustrated sigh, you force yourself to get out of bed and walk the short distance to the front door while the knocking grows even louder. “Alright I’m up - Jesus,” you grumble as you undo the locks on the door and swing it open with a scowl, starting “What the hell is-” but you stop abruptly when you see it’s Javier. He has his hands propped up on either side of the door frame as he lifts his head to meet your sleepy stare.

His hair is disheveled like he’s been running his hands through it all day, and the bags under his eyes make him look a decade older than he is. You rub a fist against your eye, trying to clear the sleep from your vision as you mumble, “Javi - what’s wrong? It’s like 3 in the morning.” 

He doesn’t answer you right away as he stands there, gnawing his lower lip. After a beat he asks, “Can I come in?” a look of apprehension dawning his features. Stifling a yawn, you nod and open the door a little wider to let him pass. When he does, you’re engulfed by the faint smell of smoke, cologne, and something sweeter - something _Javi_.

Locking the door, you turn and make your way into the living room to find Javier sitting on the small couch, elbows resting on his knees while he holds his head in his hands. You sit down next to him, placing a hand on his knee as you whisper, “What’s going on, Javi? You’re scaring me.” With the dim light in the room, his crumpled form casts shadows onto the seat cushions - like that of a painting or some other form of art that captures all the beauty and tragedy radiating from his soul. 

He’s never looked more beautiful - or more pained. 

“I just - couldn’t stop thinking about you,” he says quietly as he stares at his hands resting in his lap. You place your hand in his, intertwining your fingers as you bring it to your lap and cover it with your other hand. “Javi, what’s this about? Please talk to me,” you whisper, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. 

The two of you have been toeing the line separating friendship and something - _more_ \- for a while now, the only forms of affection you’ve shared being holding hands while you watch TV together and the occasional forehead kiss as you part ways for the night. 

But it could never be more than that, with the dangers of Javi’s job and all. He’s never told you about any of the horrors he’s seen - afraid he might scare you away once you hear all the things he’s done, the people he’s hurt - but you know they’re there by the haunted look in his eyes after a particularly hard day. When he’s with you, though, he doesn’t want to think about any of it - all he wants is to forget every gory detail that’s burned into the forefront of his mind. 

He turns his head to look you in the eye, his own swimming with torment and longing. You brush his unkempt hair out of his face, offering him a small smile in the hopes of encouraging him to open up to you. As soon as your fingers graze his skin, he closes his eyes - like he’s savoring the way your skin feels against his - and he brings your conjoined hands to his lips, pressing a kiss to each of your knuckles. 

“I can’t-” he releases a shaky breath, the warm air raising goosebumps on your arm. Swallowing hard, he opens his eyes with a furrowed brow, “I can’t do this anymore,” his voice is strained like he’s trying desperately to keep himself from falling apart.

Your heart starts to race and you bite your lip to keep from releasing a sob or a gasp or _something_ that threatens to escape you. “Wh-what do you mean?” your voice sounds small as your eyes fly back and forth between his. 

“I - _we_ can’t do this anymore - spend time together,” he explains, and he has to look away when the pleading look in your eyes becomes too much. Your shoulders fall and you look down at your hands, still holding his, “Did I - do something wrong?” you ask, wincing when he pulls his hand away from yours.

But then he’s bringing it to just below your chin, tilting your head up gently so you’re at eye level with his determined stare, “No,” he says firmly, “You did _nothing_ wrong, mi amor,” his eyes widen a little as soon as the words pass through his lips.

You gasp and a blush slowly makes its way up your neck to your cheeks. He swallows again, nervously, and shakes his head, “It can’t happen - I won’t let it.” 

He rises to his feet and walks around the coffee table, putting a physical barrier between the two of you. You stand as well, your heart cracking slightly when his words register. _It can’t happen -_ we _can’t happen._

“Why not?” you find yourself asking as a seemingly irrational sense of rejection settles in the pit of your stomach. Crossing your arms over your chest, you become painfully aware of how exposed you are when his eyes trail up your bare legs, absentmindedly licking his lips when he meets your eyes. You raise your eyebrows expectantly, _are you gonna give me an explanation or just stare at me like a dumbfounded idiot?_

He clears his throat, running his fingers through his hair as he curses to himself, “Because you shouldn’t be with me - you shouldn’t _want_ to be with someone like me.” Furrowing his brow, he shakes his head to himself like he’s trying to think of a better way to say what he means.

“Why not?” you ask again, frustrated and feeling like a petulant child. Your finger taps against your forearm as you wait for the most stubborn man in the world to elaborate on his words.

“I’m just - no good for you, OK?” his voice grows louder and he barely spares you a glance as he comes to a halt, mimicking your stance. 

No good for you? He’s the _best thing_ that’s happened to you, and the closest friend you’ve had for as long as you can remember. “ _Why not_ , Javi?” you walk around the table until you’re just a couple steps away from him. Your blood is simmering and if he doesn’t tell you the real reason why he wants to just cut you out of his life, you might just boil over - or evaporate into nothing. 

“Because-” he struggles to find the words - like he knows what he wants to say, but he’s not sure if he should. But you’re not having any of it, so you take another step towards him, placing your hands on your hips as you demand, “Why _the hell_ not?”

Something in him snaps and he grabs your shoulders, practically shouting at you, “Because you’re everything to me!” His wild eyes soften slightly as he continues, “Because **I want to protect you** from all the bad shit in my life and–,” he releases his hold on you and runs a hand down his tired face, mumbling, “protect you from _me_.” 

A tear rolls down your cheek but you don’t bother wiping it away as you bring your hands to his face, forcing him to look at you, “Javi,” your voice cracks subtly while your chest rises and falls in a rapid tempo. 

He places a hand over yours and his molten eyes fall to your lips. “Y/N,” is all he says before you’re crashing your lips against his, gasping at the surge of electricity that pulses in your veins from finally feeling his mouth on yours. He pulls you closer, moaning when you stroke his tongue with your own. 

The kiss is pure passion laced with a tenderness that makes your heart flutter, and you wonder how you ever lived this long without knowing the softness of his lips and the warmth of his touch. It’s a small dose of heaven - at least you’d hope heaven would be half as sweet as this exact moment.

But then Javi pulls away from you, his breathing ragged as his dark eyes search yours. Shaking his head, he admits, “I don’t wanna lose you - I can’t,” and for the first time since he entered your apartment, you notice the fear in his eyes - it’s a look that makes your chest feel heavy, like whatever burden he’s carrying is becoming yours as well.

“You won’t lose me, Javi. I–” a smile slowly forms on your lips, “I love you.”

A look of astonishment and relief takes over his features as he cradles your face in his hands, pressing his lips to yours in a kiss that’s so soft and warm, it’s a miracle you’re still standing with how weak your knees feel. 

He rests his forehead against yours, his thumb stroking your cheek and his eyes gazing into your very soul as he whispers, “Te amo con todo mi vida.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 **Translations** :

 _mi amor_ \- my love

Te amo con todo mi vida - i love you with all my life


End file.
